To all of my friends who are not trans women

vicoactus:

vicoactus:

I know that you will not assume that I have good intentions, that, in any conflict with me, no matter what tone I take, at least a part of you will view me as aggressive, as uncaring.

I need you to know that saying that you see me as a woman is not enough, because it isn’t the only truth. You also see me as a trans woman.

I need you to not ask yourself, “am I a transmisogynist?”. It is the wrong question.

The right question is: “How does transmisogyny effect how I interact with trans women?”. This is an uncomfortable question to ask yourself, because it assumes an a priori transmisogyny on your part. This is an accurate assumption.

I need you to acknowledge the ways in which transmisogyny shapes our friendship.

I need you to know that when I share grievances with you, or critique you, for saying or doing something that I feel hurts trans women in general or hurts me as a person, I am not saying that you are a transmisogynist. I am not saying that I think you are a bad person, or are acting maliciously. I am saying that I care about you, that I consider you a friend, and *that* is why you have the capacity to hurt me: because I let you in.

I saw at least one person reblog and tag this with something like “I’m not a trans woman, I’m [a trans guy / a genderqueer faab person / something else], but I still feel this”.

This is not a post where I said “coming out to my parents was weird”; this was not a post where I said “changing my legal documentation is such a hassle”; this was a post where I talked specifically about the experience of being a trans woman, of being a person who experiences transmisogyny. Transmisogny means, in part, being degendered with the most negative aspects of maleness / male privilege / masculinity / etc. being the weapons people degender you with, while they simultaneously, via misogyny, associate you almost only with negative female / womanly traits.

If you are not a person who experiences transmisogyny, and you say “yeah this is about me too”, it actually is! But only in the sense that it is now addressed to you, and you need to understand that taking a trans woman’s description of transmisogyny and saying “this isn’t for/about trans women, it is for/about me” is actually a transmisogynist act of erasure.